Don't Stop Believin'

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I HAD a brief internal struggle with something recently.  Nothing too major, life altering or important but for me it was the principle of the thing. 

I was caught up in a will I or won’t I debacle? I knew I should and that I’d be raging with myself if I didn’t.  But at the same time I was fearful of appearing greedy and needy.

So I let it sit for a while and mulled it over.  I have a habit of acting on impulse.  I get a message from someone and I answer immediately – “that sounds great!  Let’s do that.”  Or “sure, I can do that,” and then discover it doesn’t suit either me or my timetable and I’m suddenly caught up in something that morphs from something enjoyable and into a complete stress fest.

So I try to rein myself in a little.  And I’m glad I did because I managed to compose a short, to the point request without appearing whingey, needy or “gimmie goddammit” and sat back to see what the response would be.

I suppose I should explain a bit. I’ve been working at something for a while now and it has, for the most part, been positively received but with no real [monetary] value placed on it.  

For me anyway. 

That had always been the understanding between parties and initially I was okay with that.  We all have to start somewhere.

Then things picked up a notch and in times of drought, I was asked to contribute a bit more.  I was pleased to have been asked.  I can deliver.  I’m good at meeting deadlines and I enjoy it.

But it started to rankle.  A little at first and then a lot.

If I can come up with the goods at the last minute (and before deadline) surely I’ve proved my worth.

So I took the bull by the horns, gently, sent off that message and waited.

Guess what?  I got a lovely and favourable response that made me very very glad I had stuck my neck out there, took the bull by the horns and just went for it.

If you don’t ask you won’t get, as the saying goes. 

So I asked and I got.  Not a lot but it’s still more than I had in the first place.

And it has also given me a little boost and encouraged me to quit the quitting thoughts and keep going for another while.

That in itself has to be something.